The Loss with Rob Daniels and Vic Prentiss

 

Rob glanced at the phone when it rang. He wasn’t expecting a call from… Oh, shit. He grabbed it and swiped the bar to answer.

“Alex? Is everything okay?”

“Have you been watching the news?”

“What? No, I’ve been working a lot. What’s going on?”

Alex took a deep breath. “It’s Jamie.”

Rob’s stomach clenched. If he was honest, he hadn’t thought about his former best friend in months.

“What about him?”

“I’m sorry, Rob. Really.”

Oh. Alex’s tone told him what the words he didn’t say were.

“What happened?”

“The police found him at a party they raided. He was non-responsive, and before they got him to hospital, he was…gone.”

There was a moment of sadness and regret as Rob remembered the boys he and Jamie had been, how much their friendship–if that’s what it was–had meant to him. Then he recalled the anger that rolled through him when Jamie had been so vicious toward Alex he feared Jamie would actually lash out at Alex.

“Okay, thank you for telling me.”

“That’s it?” Alex asked incredulously. “That’s your only reaction?”

It surprised Rob too. He thought he’d be devastated, or at least should be. But there were no emotions there at all. He and Jamie weren’t friends for years, and Rob had moved on from the last time he’d seen him.

He’d lost weight. A lot of weight.

Had Rob suspected that it was the drugs causing Jamie’s problems? Was he even surprised to hear that he’d died?

“I figured it was coming,” he said softly. “He looked really bad when I saw him.”

“I know he was your friend–”

“Was. Hasn’t been for a long time,” Rob insisted.

“But there are still memories there. Things that made you smile. Don’t deny them or try to keep them locked up. It’s okay to grieve.”

But Rob didn’t care. Hadn’t for a long time.

“I should go,” Rob said. “I’m at work, and they’re pretty stringent about phone calls.”

“Oh, okay.” Alex sounded sad, which made no sense. Jamie and Rob had made his life a living hell, and he should care less than Rob. “I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?”

“Absolutely. Vic and I are headed to Manchester in a few weeks for a show. What do you say about getting together for dinner? I’ll call Dad and see if he’s interested too.”

“Sure, that sounds…great. Talk to you later.”

When Alex disconnected, Rob looked down at the flowers he was unboxing. Some unknown emotion swept over him, but he had no idea what it could possibly be. He pushed it aside and went back to his task. He couldn’t wait to get home.

That night, Rob stepped into the house.

“Welcome home,” came Vic’s voice.

“What are you doing here so early?” Rob asked, as Vic came around the corner.

He’d dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt that stretched over his broad chest. He had on sandals, so he’d probably been out in the Zen garden at some point.

“I thought I should be here,” Vic replied. “I got a phone call today.”

Rob’s shoulder slumped. “Let me guess. Alex.”

“Yeah. He’s worried about you.”

Rob lifted his chin. “He doesn’t need to. I’m fine.”

That weird feeling slid over Rob again.

“Your expression says otherwise. I want you to come to the lounge and sit down with me.”

Rob headed for the lounge, but stopped and turned to Vic. “But I have to start dinner soon.”

“I’ve already ordered pizza.” He pointed to the sofa. “Sit, Rob.”

Dutifully, Rob sat, his hands folded in his lap. Vic took a seat beside him and slid an arm over Rob’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug.

“I don’t know why everyone is making a big fuss,” Rob blurted. “He died, I figured it was coming. We weren’t friends for years, so there aren’t any feelings there for me at all.”

“I think we both know that’s not true,” Vic said softly. “You’re clenching your hands, your face is pale, and your eyes look scared.” He squeezed. “Why not tell me what’s going on?”

If he knew, Rob would tell Vic, but he wasn’t sure. Hadn’t been since Alex had told him.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

“Why don’t you tell me how you and Jamie met.”

Rob remembered that day. They’d been ten years old, and Jamie had nicked a container of chocolate milk from the supermarket. Rob had seen him, and Jamie put a finger to his lips, indicating he should be quiet. Rob nodded, and Jamie told Rob to come with him. They’d gone to the park, sat and drank the milk as they watched the ducks float lazily on the water’s surface. After that, they’d become such good friends, and…and…

Vic held firm. “Let it out, Rob. It’s okay.”

But it wasn’t! He’d seen Jamie, and he’d yelled at him, telling him they were no longer friends. He’d been so angry at Jamie, and it was all based on the fact Rob had fantasized about Jamie fucking him instead of the girl he was with.

“I was so harsh with him when I saw him last,” Rob sobbed. “I knew he looked sick, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was my memories of me and him and…”

He buried his face in Vic’s chest.

“I should have helped him. I should have done something.”

“You can’t help people who won’t accept they have a problem, Rob.”

“But you helped me!”

“No, you let me in because you knew you needed help. There’s a world of difference between you and Jamie. That said, it doesn’t change the fact the two of you had been mates. Even if the friendship ended, there are still feelings associated with it. Don’t deny them, because it’ll only end up hurting you.”

And now, the grief that Rob tried so hard to suppress burst out. His friend was dead. The young life snuffed out because of the drugs. And that could have been Rob if he hadn’t forced himself to take a different direction.

“That could have been me,” he whispered.

“See, I don’t think so,” Vic said, sliding a hand over Rob’s head. “You were angry with yourself, but you still did your best to make things right. You didn’t simply say screw it and fall down into that rabbit hole. You clawed your way, digging in at every opportunity. Were you and Jamie similar? Only so far as boys can be. But you wanted to be a man, while it seems Jamie never wanted to grow up.”

“And now he never will.”

“No, he never will,” Vic admitted. “And as sad as it is, it was choices Jamie made. I’m so sorry your friend died, and I’m happy to hold you while you get out all the hurt and pain. At the end of the day, though, you’re still going to be here, and you’ll still be clawing your way back to the surface.” He kissed Rob’s temple. “And there’s another difference. You have me, and I love you so very much.”

That was true. Vic held Rob together so many times since they’d gotten together, and now it seemed he’d do it again.

“Thank you for being there for me.”

“I will always be there, you know. Just like you’ll be there for me.” He nuzzled Rob’s hair. “Are you hungry?”

Rob shook his head. “Not really, no.”

“Then why not go get some rest? I’ll put the pizza in the refrigerator for when you want it.”

That sounded good. “Yeah, okay.” He stood, then turned and bent over to kiss Vic. “You know, meeting you was the best day of my life.” He grinned. “Ya poof.”

Vic swatted him on the arse, then pushed Rob away with a laugh.

Rob headed to the bedroom, suddenly exhausted. He didn’t miss the Jamie he knew now, but he would always mourn the memory of who they’d been back when they were kids.

And maybe that was enough.